These Words from A Parent Which Saved Us during my time as a Brand-New Dad

"In my view I was simply in survival mode for a year."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey expected to manage the challenges of fatherhood.

Yet the truth rapidly became "utterly different" to his expectations.

Serious health complications during the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her main carer as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every change… every walk. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a public seat, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward phrases "You are not in a healthy space. You require assistance. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now better used to addressing the strain on mothers and about post-natal depression, less is said about the challenges new fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his difficulties are symptomatic of a broader reluctance to talk amongst men, who continue to internalise negative notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and remains standing time and again."

"It's not a show of weakness to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially in front of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental well-being is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the space to ask for a pause - taking a short trip away, outside of the family home, to gain perspective.

He realised he needed to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotional states alongside the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and understand his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen was without consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, long-standing trauma meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "poor actions" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as a way out from the pain.

"You turn to behaviours that are harmful," he says. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a trusted person, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be playing sport, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is faring.
• Connect with other new dads - listening to their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help isn't failing - taking care of your own well-being is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead offer the safety and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - managing the feelings safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their struggles, altered how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I wrote, on occasion I believe my purpose is to instruct and tell you on life, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are on this path."